Why Can’t a Woman be More Like a Man?

Personal Ability
- A long phone conversation lasts 30 seconds.
- One mood can fit his entire life.
- He expects astonished approval for the smallest act of consideration, such as tidying the fridge.
- He doesn’t need a mechanical jar opener.
- Car mechanics tell him the truth.
- When consulting a road map and driving from North to South, he can say, “Turn left,” with accuracy.

Appearance
- He will never be pregnant.
- When meeting people, they never stare at his chest.
- He never has a bad hair day.
- The same hairstyle lasts for years, perhaps decades.
- He can disguise a double chin with a beard. A moustache is optional.
- All his underwear costs under £10, comes in one pack, and he doesn’t need to try it on in the store.
- His new shoes were not designed by the Spanish Inquisition.
- Sneakers, moccasins, black formal…who needs more shoes?
- One wallet lasts a lifetime.
- With maybe seven pockets in his jacket and pants, no handbag needed.
- His wardrobe fits into a wardrobe.

Family
- Weddings plan themselves.
- Family holidays plan themselves.
- A holiday requires only one suitcase.
- A weekend wardrobe fits in a carry-on bag.
- He can play with toys all his life. It is accessing his inner child. Adorable.
- He cannot be expected to remember his wedding anniversary or his wife’s birthday, unless he has a PA.
- He never worries about the nutritional value of the supper he’s just cooked; he just expects applause.
- If he says sorrowfully, “I know I’m a bad father,” he expects this to be treated as an honourable excuse.

Hygiene
- The world is his urinal.

Work
- At work, he never feels guilty.
- Same work, more pay.

Note: My brother sent me this. I’ve tweaked it a bit.

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